Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
