ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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