I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
