good thing vaginas are great cup holders
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize