We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
