why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
