So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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