Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Randomize
