Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
