I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
