I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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