Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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