Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
