She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
