I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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