There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
we should paint friendship bongs
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