Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
