4 words: hood of his car
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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