I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize