Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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