i already hear my dad disowning me
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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