so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize