i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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