How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
