ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
