Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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