never play flip cup with pint glasses
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
sex in a hospital.. check
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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