he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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