woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
