they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize