I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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