He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
