You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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