ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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