the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
