i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
