The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
