were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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