ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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