I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
