So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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