I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize