you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize