he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
