is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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