also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
