You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
