And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
