some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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