I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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