Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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