I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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