big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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