That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
