the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
