remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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