Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
