One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
