apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
