When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
