So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
someone owes me an orgasm
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize