at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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