Where did you get a picture of my penis
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
