I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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