She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
