What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
