Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
