After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
