ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize