Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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