She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
