So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize