She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize